Dark Spirituality

I am going to speak to darkness and evil and intentional dark practices. It is something that I haven’t really wanted to speak about to be honest with you. But its just time, and so I am going to trust that.

After my own experience in the healing arts, spiritual community and personal denial, it is time to speak. It is time to share, and educate and let you know that discernment is your greatest ally in many moments as you journey your path.

For many years, most of my life really, I chose to believe that there were no bad things going on, that people could not and would not do evil things on purpose. I chose to believe that all of us were living in our light, and would never intentionally use energy or actions to hurt or harm another in some way. I even thought at one point that evil was ONLY a belief. As in, it was only evil, because you decided based on your own perceptions that it exists. That evil was in the mind only.

I now know this is not true. As I type this, I wish I was wrong. My heart and soul do not want to believe this. I do not want to believe that people use energy or intentional actions to harm, or for the satisfaction of their ego, or personal agenda or to control others in some way.

I do not wish to educate to create fear, I educate to create discernment and self empowerment, and to speak about the truth in things that most people do not want to speak about. This is nothing new. It is simply new that I am admitting the truth to myself and to you.

I am certain Our Creator sent myself, and others, on this path, to see, to feel, and to speak truth. The truth that many do not want to share. It is a hard truth. A painful one. One that can make you feel deeply betrayed by the human race. Maybe even by people you thought cared about you.

I remember writing a paper in Philosophy in 2002 about Good Vs. Evil and who decides what that is, or what I felt made something good or evil. My professor read it to the class and she said “THIS is how you write a Philosophy paper”. I shrank. And thought, please shut up. Please stop. Back then I did not want anyone to see me, my truth, my gifts, as good at or wise in anyway. You know it well; what if they treat you poorly because someone saw something in you that triggered them.

I see now, more than ever, why I was scared for people to see my light, my truth, my uniqueness and my wisdom or intuitive intelligence. What if they get mad at me for speaking my wisdom? What if someone comes at me in hurtful ways for doing so? And now I am at a place instead, where I ask myself, what disservice am I lending my voice to if I don’t share this?

It does not totally matter what I thought back then in 2002, but it was along the lines of evil comes from maleficent intent. And that still rings true for me. I remember when the professor gave us the assignment, I sat there looking at her with both thoughts of; why the heck would she even want us to think about, let alone explore evil, AND, I am so excited for this assignment of exploring personal beliefs on these polarities.

It was YEARS before I was “forced” into exploring my beliefs on those two polarities once again. This time in a much deeper and experiential way.

We can add to any energy and truth we want to, if that is where we place our intent. We can also convince ourselves of anything we want, and call it good or call it bad. That is just the black and white, sun and moon, day and night reality. The “positive or negative” does not imply any sort of judgement or right or wrong. Labelling it as right or wrong, is always based on our programming, upbringings, beliefs, values and personal experiences. Feeling anger is neither right nor wrong, it is a human experience. 

And then there is the intent to do harm. I put this outside the realm of what I have spoken about in the last paragraph. Some people will admit this is what they are doing and some will convince themselves, and you, that they are coming from a “good” place. When really, they are coming from a very unhealed, wounded and maybe even a place of harmful intent.

Hurt people hurt people, that is true. Sometimes unknowingly, unintentionally and also sometimes, very intentionally. The evil intention, I believe, still comes from a place of a deep wound, an unhealed dark ancestral lineage, or falling into a group who supports dark energy work. Which also comes from an unhealed lineage, trauma or past events.

Here is another truth. Healed people, heal people.

The greatest convincer of evil intention, is disguised, and is masquerading as light and doing “good and right”.

Without a doubt, this exists. Still and maybe even more than ever unfortunately. As in, the dark very much also hides in the many who are saying what they are doing is for the greater good, to help someone they care about, or to advocate for a group they identify as: ones who can’t advocate for themselves.

The main reason I have begun intentionally exploring this and now speaking about it, is because, for years I have watched it go on in so many unethical ways in the spiritual community and more recently in my own life directed at me.

Just because a person is spiritual or intuitive or works with energy in anyway, does not mean they have good intentions. Our community lacks ethical standards. And there are certainly people intentionally masquerading as the light in this space too.

I do not see myself as a victim and I would really prefer if you did not either. I see myself as a person who has come to experience the darkness in my life. And in some of those experiences of pain or betrayal or grief, or major shocks to my beliefs, or experiencing psychic attacks or deep hurt and injustice; I gained a major learning, a deepened wisdom, an embodiment of the truth of it within my own soul. And then, an ability to teach it to whoever is ready for it and needs it.

Does maleficent intent make me angry. YES! Absolutely. I have seen it ruin people’s health, and people’s relationships and careers. I have seen it cause suicide, PTSD and deep intense depression and anxiety. My life included.

Look you guys, I am not talking about someone saying a mean thing directed at another. I am talking about people who are doing ceremonies, and intentional verbal and energetic practices to harm another. I am talking about people who hire Psychics, mediums, shamans, coaches and healers who are working with dark intentions. I am talking about what most would label as a psychic attack, but it is so much more than that to me, in my experience and the experiences of my clients who have gone through this. There is black magic involved in some rare cases too.

I have always assumed people realized that, not all people out there who are CALLING themselves a light worker, are actually light workers. I don’t know why I would have made this assumption, naivety I suppose. I definitely did not want to face that reality either. And so, my own discernment meter has gotten a real work out in the last 7 years. And this shit kept coming up in me and at me, until I faced it.

Not too far in the past, I had no choice but to truly face it. It is still raw enough that I don’t particularly like taking about it. I am still healing and recovering. And I also feel stronger than ever in who I am and, in my ability, to protect myself from things like this in the future. I had to face the intense fear that, first, people did this horrible shit, then I had to face the fear that I thought I wasn’t capable to protect myself from it.

I will never understand people who do these things. I will never respect them. I do not even have compassion for them. That is the truth. I know some of you want to hear that I am some sort of highly evolved human who can have compassion always and in all cases. But this is one place, and maybe even the only place, where I have none. The compassion I currently have is for myself and for you, if you have experienced anything like this, and for unsuspecting and innocent children and teens who have to live a life with this kind of behaviour raging through their homes.

I have been a witness to many of these experiences. I have had coaches and mentors share their stories, clients, and lovers share their stories, friends share their stories and complete strangers share too. I have removed myself from many circles, friends, teachers, teachings, mentors, ceremonial offers and groups at the slightest inkling of any of this going on. This is where I draw a hard line in the sand.

You want to know why I have waited years to speak about this? I suppose a few reasons.

Because I couldn’t bring myself to believe it for a very long time.

Because I wasn’t ready.

Because it felt like I was going crazy.

Because people told me it was all in my head.

Because I was scared to admit the truth.

Because I needed more evidence.

Because I really wanted to understand this first.

Because I hadn’t yet grasped my personal wisdom on this.

Because I was scared of judgement.

Because I lacked a lot of clarity.

Because it was a sacred experience.

Because I had to learn to trust myself first.

Because the timing wasn’t right.

Because I had to grieve and get cracked wide open first.

Because I had to experience a rupture of my own identity, beliefs and life first.

Because I knew I needed to feel solid in my power of love first.

Because I never have and never will take this truth lightly.

Because I had to heal.

If you don’t want to talk about this or even entertain this truth, I get it, I really do, you need to be ready. And, if you do, I see you, I believe you, I feel you and I am here for you.

Book a session here if you feel you need help or clarity on this topic in your own life.

https://www.paulahaygarth.ca/services

Love Paula